We had to practice them with partners and I was mortified. It didn’t come naturally or comfortably to pause and leave awkward silence or paraphrase what someone said, but the more we practiced, the more skilled I became. In particular, promoting a spirit of inquiry with a simple, “tell me more” continues to be a go-to for me. Paraphrasing is also a game changer-- you either validate what someone said and they feel heard or you quickly clear up a miscommunication. Win-Win.
As a coach, I used the 7 Norms of Collaboration to engage with our department in group conversations, and also individually in my coaching conversations. Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with new coaches in the Frederick County Public Schools Vanguard program and I shared coaching stems aligned to the 7 Norms of Collaboration that provided the language to engage with their mentees. I modeled a coaching conversation and the teams were able to practice with one another. One coach shared:
“This framework makes coaching feel doable and provides a structure and language to make it feel possible!”
I remember feeling the same way as a young coach.
Many years later, these have become part of my language and approach but it was definitely helpful for me to go back to them and reflect on what I do well and where I need to improve. Sometimes when learning something new we just need the language and sentence stems that can give us confidence to lean in. And after years of experience, we also need to revisit these frameworks to reflect and refresh our practices.
